Thursday, February 01, 2007

how to be a gentleman

i hear that valentines day is coming soon.

that means a lot of boys and girls will be going out on romantic dates and such.

and so, for the benefit of my fellow brethren who will be making their moves on that day, here's a guide to How To Be A Gentleman on a date with that hot chick of your choice.

first, ask her and let her decide where she would like to go, especially where to dine. this gives her the impression that you are a thoughtful person who values her inputs. also, this is to avoid her calling you a cheapskate should you suggest places like mcdonald's, kfc, geylang market, etc. (that last one, by the way, is one of daddy's favourite places to bring mummy to eat, that cheapskate.)

girl: let's go to this place, they have lobsters.
boy: *gulp*

when you are seated, tell her she looks ravishing and good enough to eat. she will be so flustered and shy that she'll skip the main course and order a salad to ensure she maintains her ravishing figure. if she has trouble reading the menu (from all that blustering), call the maitre d' (or 'waiter', for the less refined) and order on her behalf. in your best french, no less.

boy: je veux le poulet, s'il vous plait. (translate: gimme gimme chicken!)
girl: apo dia bobal tu...

i would highly recommend this next bit after a nice meal. you know they say, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach? well, the way to a woman's heart is through her shopping bag! now, boys, try your very best to stay awake and alert during this tough and trying part of the date. (i'd suggest having a cup of coffee after that meal.) your date will be asking you generic ten-year-series-type of questions, such as "does this make me look fat?" or "how do i look in these?" or "i wish i could have this!" (that last one sounds like a statement but is actually a hidden question, translated as "can you buy it for me?". for more on Girl Statements That Are Actually Hidden Questions, please await the publication of my book of that title, to be out soon in all good bookstores.)

boy: this one looks REALLLYYYYYYY GOOOODDDD on ya, hun! i swear, on barney's life!

now, here's when the date ends and you reap your rewards! tell her thank you for the superduper great time, and a little bit more flattery wouldn't harm too (eg. "you have such an interesting, brainy, brilliant mind" etc. well, girls like to hear they're smart too, you know.)

and then, pucker up....

mummy: just lips, no tongue, now!

of course, if you are under 18 years of age, you have to be heavily supervised and chaperoned by your respective mummies. (like that fella, ashton kucher.)

with that, i wish all of you the best in your quest to be a full-fledged Gentleman like me.

may the Force be with you!


# posted by izadnhana at 10:50 AM
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30 august 2003


izad&hana . born nineteen seventy seven . soulmates after seven years apart . radiohead + smashingpumpkins + londonsuede . through-thick-and-thin . ben&jerrys + gadgets + dvds . culmination of <3 in one aniq izhan .